Halloween and parenting children with special needs Halloween is meant to be a fun and exciting time for kids. To ensure it is fun and safe, parents need to follow common safety tips and procedures. These include making sure that: children are supervised, with the level of supervision varying by the age of the child/adolescent, children are looking both ways when they cross the street, and that candy is checked over before it is eaten.
While these are general rules, parents of children and teens with specific disabilities, need to keep in mind some other facts. If a child has an Anxiety Disorder:
- Halloween is scary, and just because you or their siblings think it is fun, that doesn’t mean your child thinks it is fun.
- Even if they think it is fun, they may still be very anxious about the actual day and event
- Your child may have been worrying/anticipating/dreading this day for some time, and maybe all primed for an emotional meltdown
If a child has an Autism Spectrum Disorder
- Halloween is a definite change in routine, and this can be disconcerting
- The social interactions, “look them in the eye” can be overwhelming and quickly lead to behavioral meltdowns.
If a child has ADHD:
- If your child takes a short-acting medicine for school, it has likely worn off by the time they go trick or treating
- Impulsivity is a core factor of ADHD, and it will be much more pronounced with all the excitement
- Stopping and looking for cars is the opposite of being impulsive
If a child is depressed:
- One sign of depression, maybe not having any interest in all at going out trick or treating, and not going out can just confirm, their sense of worthlessness
If your child has social issues or is the target of teasing, or social exclusion:
- Not having anyone to go out with is another sign to them that they have no friends
If your child has behavioral problems:
- They will push the limits and refuse to follow directions, even safety directions when you are out and about.
Fortunately, there are steps that parents can take to address the above issues. To have a safe and effective Halloween remember the following:
- Set it up for success by planning ahead.
- Take care of yourself first. Get a good night’s sleep the day before, so you are rested.
- Come home early from work if possible to help get ready for the evening.
- Try to have things ready a day or so in advance. The more stressed you are, and Halloween is stressful, the worse will be your ability to help your child have a successful day. This means, if possible, trying on costumes the day before Halloween. For children with sensory issues around clothing, you may want to start this process a week in advance, until they can tolerate the costume.
- If need be, call in reinforcements. Ask an adult family member to come help. This also has the benefit of building and expanding your child’s social network. If your child has social issues, having a cousin to go trick or treating with will make a big difference.
- Keep numbers limited. In the dark, it is easy to lose track of a child in a crowd of kids.
- For young children, practice first. For children with Autism Spectrum Disorders try using social stories with them beginning a few days in advance, so they can practice before going out. You can ask their speech/therapist or special education teacher for help with this.
- Remember to define what success means before going out. For some children, simply going to one house will be a success, for some going to five houses would be successful. Once they succeed, let them know how proud you are of them. For some very anxious children, success can simply mean having them help you pass out candy at your door.
- If a depressed teen refuses to go out, plan another activity. Don’t let them spend the night alone in their room. Get a good movie to watch, or go out together to visit grandmother. Alternatively, engage them in helping out a friend. If they are old enough, get them to volunteer with a neighborhood group, or community group’s Halloween Activity.
- For anxious children or children with social issues, arrange the social event for them a few weeks in advance. If this means getting together with cousins, or a neighbor, set that up in advance, so they know what the plans will be.
- Set strict limits you can follow and enforce. It’s easy to end up arguing with a child in the dark on a sidewalk, but why bother. Give them three chances and if they are not following your rules, turn around and come home. Never negotiate about safety issues in the middle of the street.
- While you are out, remember to give sincere praise when they follow your directions.
- Monitor. Monitor. Monitor. Your nonmedicated ADHD teen needs just as much supervision as your non-ADHD 8-year-old.
- If they are going to a party, ensure that the party has responsible adult supervision. If not, they can go next year to another party that has supervision. This might even be at your house.
- Control the candy, when you come home. Overindulgence is never pretty. After ensuring the candy is safe, take charge, have them divide the candy into Zip Lock Bags (ex 5 pieces in a bag), and put it away. They still get the candy (a bag at a time), but this way it gets paced out, rather than being devoured in two days.
- Once the night is over, congratulate yourself for having a successful night, and write down a few notes, about what worked well and what to work on differently for next year. Also, make sure you tell them how helpful they were and what a great job they did.
© Daniel J. DeMarle, Ph.D. 2009